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Years and years of life’s shitty lessons piling up like trash in a back alley, all supposedly designed to make you tougher, sharper, wiser. Instead of becoming some polished warrior, you chose instant‑noodle death. That was me, god damn NUT CRACKER. Quick collapse. Quick surrender. Quick rot. Come get some! But don’t downgrade it. My collapse wasn’t soft. It was Godzilla stomping through my block, thinking it owned me and I had to do the unthinkable, sucker punch him in the fucken…
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It’s five past midnight and I find myself walking alone.The shadows converse in the corners,waiting for the storm. It almost feels like teardrops,like the ones you cried when I was gone. No more lies ahead,no more road behind.The only thing left to dois deal with what I’ve become. CHORUS One night beneath the coldof the darkest moon,The shadows come to hunt.Many lifetimes of prayers,forgotten faces come undone. Forgotten places,all drowned in sorrow.There’s nothing ahead,not a single soul in sight. Only memories of…
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BAILIFF: All rise for the Honorable Judge Harold P. Chingazos. JUDGE CHINGAZOS: Good morning. Please be seated. CLERK: Calling Case 26-CV-1982, Q versus Life. JUDGE CHINGAZOS: Appearances for the record. PLAINTIFF: Q, appearing pro se, Your Honor. JUDGE CHINGAZOS: Q, you understand the implications of representing yourself? PLAINTIFF: Correct. My previous attorney became depressed after reviewing the evidence and decided he needed to go home, hug his Chihuahua, and try to make sense of it all. JUDGE CHINGAZOS: Noted. Defense? DEFENSE COUNSEL:…
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I don’t know what it is about the Family Dollar near my house. Every time I walk in there, I leave feeling like I got scammed. Not actual scammed. More like spiritually scammed. I know they’re not ripping me off. But why does it feel like they are? So the other day I went in for some sodas. Nothing major. Just three sodas. The deal on the shelf said: “2 for $5.” Simple enough. I grabbed three. I get to the register,…
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Many times I put on my tin hat and dwelved into the world of the Matrices, the Matrix but in Spanish, a world of funny expressions and bad relationships. Anyway, somehow I thought what if I died and donated my brain to be preserved as the Ultimate Ai, the goof one, the chosen one, to dictate what is real and what is an illusion… but with time travel powers just for fun. or maybe I only think that in my head but…
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So my niece is going through her college experience and me being being a drunk uncle I kind of wanted a piece of that pie, not to bother but to remind myself of why I could have been a full time time student till I died. Well I had to learn life shit, so yeah that is that. It’s a “write about this” piece and I laugh in loud silence… She chooses the term death.. or word. Well I saw it as…
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Scholars always taught us that history was written by the victor, but time after time we learned the truth from the losers as well. The truth doesn’t magically disappear if you choose to not accept it. The truth owes you no fucking explanation. One hundred years after World War 3—a war everyone knew was going to happen—humanity finally focused on the true problems plaguing itself: poverty, misallocation of resources, and greed. Everybody thought the world would end in nuclear warfare, but it…
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So while I was driving to work, Run the Jewels was playing, and I heard the infamous “bag of dicks” line. Immediately, my brain started going crazy. A week ago, I wanted to write this piece, but I felt like I’d already written too many rants about life sucking ass and luck being a total rat bastard. Then I heard that line and thought, maybe this is a divine sign. Write it. Rant about it. Let the hatred flow. Recently, though, I’ve…
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So I applied to a full time supervisor gig to a fucken mediocre position, and yo, before you judge me and start hitting me with, “how do you know it’s mediocre,” well I am an acting supervisor for it. Sup leaves, and I think, mmmmm tasty opportunity, but my soul warns me, this is gay. Not like OMG rainwbows and parades, more like for a dollar more, you can be more of a corpo slut and get to lick for shoe space,…
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Hey you fucken asshole, you gonna feed me or keep crying about your EX? I tell you guys that my doggo has no chill. So many years that I spent being chill with him, talking to him, giving him rubs, and throwing the toy for his satisfaction and the first day he gets the ability to talk and he clowns on me? Why, because I am crying over an ex… someone who meant something at one point in my life, maybe similar…
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Not all of them were meant to stay. Some were lessons. Some were detours. Some were disasters with pretty faces. Some were miracles that came too early. Some were comforts I didn’t appreciate until they were gone. Some were storms I walked into willingly. Some were shadows I chased because I didn’t know myself yet. And some… some were real, but real doesn’t always mean forever. I won love when I wasn’t ready. I lost love when I thought I was. I…
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I don’t care what you all think, I am a weiner, and I used to work at Subway, Where dreams go to die and bread goes to cry.Back then I was a young vato with a green apron and a soul full of hope, Thinking I was gonna rise up to Sandwich Manager, NOPE Instead I learned: people get VIOLENT over extra olives nobody knows what the hell “Italian Herbs & Cheese” actually means every customer thinks they invented the “extra toasted”…
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Anyone else ever take statistics and want to run formulas to explain life? I did try at one point during my mid‑life crisis. I was like, wait… can I use statistics to figure out why life sucks so damn much? And the madness started — but halfway there I gave up. I was like, this is pointless. I’m better off going to Alameda and getting me a double of Chico’s Tacos with extra sauce so I can drown my papas fritas in…
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(Relax, it’s a joke — keep reading.) So a while back I was going through one of those tumultuous life transitions. The kind where you hit rock bottom, but not the dramatic movie kind — more like the “life kicked me in the nuts and left” kind. Compared to what other people go through, mine was tame, but still enough to scramble my brain. Growing up in Juaritoz — the murder capital of the world — I saw messed‑up things as a…
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Dating over 40 hits different. And not in a good way. I don’t know if it’s me or… wait, no — it is me. Dating after 40 just sucks ass. Some days I feel like I should give up and embrace the hermit life. I open a dating app just to “see what’s out there,” and five minutes later I’m already done. Everyone is so damn dynamic now. You can’t be the smooth operator every day. You can’t be the funny, cool,…
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Eat shit, Fight the shin tzu dog treat Got no time for your bullshit Fucken leechy ass tit Eat dirt and revive Plant the seeds for the future divide Lesson lost in time Big booty hoes a natural divine Spit rust when you speak, ’cause your truth’s always antique. You old as twit Tell me in my eyes how you spit Cracked words crumble like old concrete, your truth breaks faster than your heartbeat. frothy, lofty mental retreat Fucken lies, always deceit…
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Aquí puro vato verga, espíritus que no se quiebran. Acércate pa’ enseñarte el diablo, No el de golpes, sino el que cargo. Vergazos del destino, Latigazos del día, Chelas que aflojan la lengua y la poesía. Saca el fierro del alma, Ese que nunca afilamos, Una furia de palabras pa’ ver si nos desmadramos. Que la cosa anda regida, La vida siempre tirando pruebas. Puro pinche sueño fugaz, que se rompe sin que te atrevas. ¿No que muy vergas con tu canto?…
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Resonate the bells of war, stand up and fight. Don’t let your dreams wander too far, for the wicked come to defile the altar. The echo still moves, and the silence never won. The ghost still rises, for the past that was never done. Rise with the quiet flame, the one that burns without smoke. Hold the line of your own truth, for shadows bend when you don’t. Let old wounds speak softly— not to reopen, but to remind. Let the ghost…
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Ayer murió, ayer fugó. Solo queda lo anterior. Memorias surdas, recuerdos justos, lo que el presente olvidó. ¿Habrá lluvia hoy? ¿O saldrá el sol? Pienso que ella siempre amó un simple NO. El fantasma ya se fue. Ni se despidió. Solo dijo que no le gustó el pretender… Y yo nomás quedé ahí, con el eco de lo que no fue, con el hueco donde antes hablaba, con el silencio que ahora manda.
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I wasted seven fucken days laid out on the couch like a sack of dirty, rotten potatoes, as if life had suddenly lost all meaning. How did it start? Hell if I know. One day I was living my best life. The next, I had a cough that started lingering around like an unwanted relative. On top of that, I decided to have some gay ass Topo Chico seltzers. I know they’re not manly. I know they’re weak compared to straight liquor.…
